Saturday, November 10, 2007

Oy vey.

Oh my gosh ya'll. I suck. I have not walked, sat in front of my lightbox, taken my meds or any of the other stuff I'm supposed to do to make myself healthy wealthy and wise. I can really tell, it's taking a toll on me, and does that motivate me to action? Nooooooo. A ginormous part of the problem is the guilt. See, it's not just that doing all those things just seems overwhelming, it's that it seems to me that they SHOULDN'T seem so overwhelming, they're what normal people do every stinkin' day, why am I so precious and delicate I can't manage to accomplish them?! It's the shame over not being able to change that gets me more than not changing itself. Does that make sense?

I need to find a way to change without examining my life and feeling like a total failure, because that's what paralizes me. Of course, because who has the energy or motivation to change when they feel like scum?

Anyway, Monday I'm going to give it another whirl. I keep telling myself, just like people who smaoke, sometimes you have to practice quitting before you get it right.

1 comment:

Carolyn J. said...

It's depressing to think about making a lot of permanent changes. Maybe we should start thinking about doing something small, just for today, and maybe doing the same thing tomorrow.