Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Just Ticked Off

Would that I were comfortable with stronger language, because it's warranted. I'm just angry. Sick, tired, and pissed off.

I'm angry that my home is a shambles, once again...and apparently until the end of time. That my young daughter already notices the differences between this home and others, and knows that THIS is wrong. I'm royally pissed off at myself for not pulling my head out and FIXING it, and at everyone else for not caring enough to HELP. I don't understand how the rest of the world can get up, take care of family, go to work, come home, take care of family, clean the entire freaking house so that it's at least in some kind of order, go to bed, then get up the next morning after too little sleep and do it all over again. I don't understand why I CAN'T KEEP UP. I don't understand why I seem to be expected to do it by myself, either, but that's a personal thing I'm pissed off about right now.

I'm sad and disappointed about my weight and health and how out of shape I am, and discouraged at how very long it's going to take me to get THAT mess straightened out. At least I'm making some progress in that arena, at least so far. I just finished my third week of Weight Watchers. Again. Woo-HOO, right? Right. I've done well (I know, for this WHOLE THREE WEEKS), but I'd be more pumped if it wasn't a dang life sentence. I had my baby just over 5 years ago, and I weigh what I weighed at that point, which is the last time I started WW.

Yeah, not much with the stick-to-it-iveness. I couldn't even keep this project going, could I? And obviously, I need to, because when I was journaling here, and reading comments here, I felt less alone, and I WAS getting things done, albeit tiny things. Right now, even the tiny things feel beyond me.

So, I don't know what's next. I may share some recipes and things, but I don't want this to turn into a weight-loss blog, because jumpin' cats, those are boring. But if I find ways to turn out good meals that are actually healthy, I'll share.

I'll have to tell you about the powdered peanut butter I discovered, at the very least.


Carmen said...

Belinda, one teeny tiny baby step at a time. ONE. You can make one change, right? Every week, make one change. Maybe drink one less soda for a week, do ten pushups before breakfast, clean one area and keep it clean for a week. One little step a time, added to another step, can take you really far.

And, um, what do you mean diet blogs are boring??? ;)

Anonymous said...

Belinda, hang in there girls. You are NOT the only one. I work full time, three girls, 2 poodles, 2 cats, 3 rats, a bunny & a husband, and I am ashamed to have people come over.

I just got the living room clean this weekend - after I took out the Christmas tree last weekend.

I just finished the kitchen (except the floor, which needs it) again, because evidently even if I cook I need to clean up as well.

I hear you! I am also overweight and out of shape and need to do something about it, but don't want to go out walking in the cold and rain

and the Oregon poodle crew

Kim said...

Ha, I don't even want to talk about my weight loss program:o) My goal is to walk 3 times a weeks, so at least I will stick with it. I am have made it about once a week, whcih is better than none. I am bad about my house and I don't have a husband or children to blame it on. I am trying to just spend a little time every night doing something, even if it is just making sure I put my stuff away that I brought home, so it is not piled on my dining table.

Hey, you have stuck to Weight Watchers for 3 weeks that is an accomplishment. Don't get discouraged, we didn't put this weight on overnight so it will take a little while for it to come off.

Anonymous said...

Hi Belinda...I am Belinda too! (justbel7@yahoo.com)
I can totally relate to your stress and wonder at why things end up the way they do! And not EVERYONE is super-woman, keeping everything together.
But this really helped me. Check out http://flylady.net/. It is easy, funny and helpful. Best of luck!

Anonymous said...

Belinda -- you are inspiring, because you aren't giving up. We're pulling for you (and ourselves).

Anonymous said...

I SO know what you mean when you wonder how some people seem to do it. I am lucky to have a "9-5" job, but there are people out there with families that have to work crazy hours and still manage to keep the house clean and cook and etc. I do believe that there is some kind of karmic trade-off there...something in those people's lives is missing; we just don't see what it is.

bec :D

Kevin and Beth said...

Hi, thanks for the comment on my blog. I have a blog tracker and it shows so many visitors but none comment so it was really nice to hear from you.
It's funny that you are down on yourself for your house. What is more important to me is how awesome you are at coupon using! I could never do that. The people like you are few and far between.

It's a lotta work to be that organized. Be proud of that and only worry about the house when company is coming!