Tuesday, October 23, 2007

Checking In

It's 10:00 am, and I have gotten El Zippo done today. Well, other than getting the kids showered and off to school. (I can't do baths at night, I'm just not a night person.) I have 2 hours left before I have to pick up my son from preschool, and I really need to make the most of my time, but I'll be darned if I can't get this body out of this chair. It's rainy, and dark outside, and all I want to do is read, or watch a movie, or surf the net. So. I will try to do something comforting, in the midst of running errands. I'll dress warmly and buy myself a nonfat latte, as a reward for getting out of the house.

I have been doing very well on the self care front, thanks be to God. I have been walking, and brushing my teeth, and showering, and even flossing here and there. I've been eating pretty healthy, the house is clean, except for folded laundry in the middle of the living room, and some floors that need vacuuming. The bathrooms really need to be cleaned, but I'll get to those today.

And yet, even though things are going pretty well, I know this is the time when I need to be vigilant. This is the time when I forget how depressing it is to have a messy house. This is the time when I forget how depressing it is to be depressed. This is the time when I can easily say, "Screw it. I need a break." Just like I've done this morning. And that, my friends, is the precipice on the edge of a canyon called despair. I know that may seem dramatic or extreme, but it's a very short walk over the edge, for me. It's a thin line between loosening my grip a little, and losing my grip completely. That probably doesn't make sense to anyone except me, but that's okay, I just need to give myself a little pep talk. So maintenance is the watch word for me. Now I'm off to run errands.


Jenni said...

I just stumbled across your blog and I totally identify with this post! I'm feeling exactly what you are feeling today and that is a huge comfort and motivatation for me. Just thought I'd let you know!

Belinda said...

Hey, I'm still trying to get to where YOU are, so I think you're doing pretty well.